To whom it may concern:

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Dear Sir,

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Thank you for your respond towards my humble little blog. I am honored. It was really astounding since I never expect such person in such position to visit my modest diminutive blog. It really means a lot to me and I am honored to receive your e-mail. I cannot deny that this probability of event is inevitable since the blog is accessible to all.

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I know that you neither have the proper time nor the opportunity to read this long entry. However, I hope that you would spend some time in your spare time as to analyze my thoughts and ideas as a respond to your expression of feelings in the e-mail, because I strongly believe that you are a person who is willingly to share your knowledge and words of wisdom to this young man.

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It is very inappropriate for me to continue my writing without introducing myself to you first – since we still do not have a proper and formal introduction session. As for that, permit me first to tell you a bit about myself so that you can get a clearer picture about my persona and understand the whole flow as to why this blog exist.

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I am Adi bin Ramli. I am one of the hundreds Chemical Engineering graduates of Universiti Teknologi PETRONAS (UTP). I have finished my study in UTP with only third class degree. Fortunately, with all the knowledge gained from UTP, either in the lecture halls, my commitment in co-curricular activities, or even in my life experience living in the university itself, I am now a manager in a training camp called Nur Bukit Unggul Eco Resort in Jenderam, Selangor.

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I am really proud to be a UTP student. It was in that place, I have met various types of people who acknowledged my true self, inspired me, and facilitated me a lot in various skills and modes of thinking, which I don’t even know they exist in my own self. It was in that very place, I discovered my true self, my true nature, and my expertise. It really changed me a lot, to be who I really am right now.

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While studying in UTP, I realized that my major weakness was in academic. It showed clearly in my transcript or the examination result slips. However, I managed to finish my studies. This, was due to the support of some people who really means a lot to me, and inspired me to move forward without neither dodging to the left nor to the right, especially retreating myself from the combat zone. “Just keep moving forward.”

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One of the most respected people that I have seen in UTP who inspired me a lot was the current Rector/CEO himself. Even I had never met him (face to face), even he did not neither recognized me nor memorized my name (that had never been enlisted in the Dean’s List at all), or even I just saw him from afar (two or three times only in my whole six and a half years in UTP) giving his formal speeches on the stage, he inspired me a lot.

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I remembered the first time when he started to perform his responsibility as the rector of UTP. There were many stories that I heard from students and lecturers about his brilliant strategies in utilizing the early phase of his duty – the phase where nobody knew that he was the new rector. With that unknown status, he infiltrated each every space in UTP as to see with his own eyes the sceneries, the cultures and the behaviors of UTPians. Even when he said to a student that he was the new rector, the students doesn’t even believe him.

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I was astonished by his strategy of stealth and also his technique in handling the crowd in the open discussion with the students that shows power and control. When a problem rose by students, he will focus to the core of it, which most of the time, the one that most people had never crossed their mind about it. In other words, ‘think outside the box’ or looking an issue in a wider and various perspectives. Or perhaps, think differently from others – creative, yet logic.

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It was the combination of both traits (stealth and think differently) that I learnt from my observations on him that intrigued me and arousing my eagerness to apply them in my everyday routine. And with those traits, I manage to maintain this blog up until now with stealthy points, yet creative ways of approach. Thanks to him.

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The other person who helped me a lot in discovering my own specialties was a coach from one of the most active co-curricular organization in UTP. This 30 something years old man always assist me with numerous guidelines on improving my own self, within my own way, also suitable with my own interest and comprehension. In an easier way to describe it, he only supply me the bullets, while I have to make my own choices on the most suitable gun to use (and to match the bullet’s size given), also on how to train myself shooting the target. With that person, I learnt that creativity can only be produced by the freedom of experimenting with our thoughts and ideas.

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The most remembered quote that I have learnt from him was:

“To broaden our knowledge, we have to vandalize our existing mode of thinking. The universe that we see is actually small, but the thing that we feel is borderless. To ask a good question is more difficult than giving the answer. Therefore, keep on generating questions.”

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It was within that method I learnt a lot about life in a more creative and interactive way. As if it was like playing a jigsaw puzzle. With each every piece of puzzle connected, I was stimulated to connect more and more pieces as to discover the unknown large picture beneath them. In other words, it was the driving force that had made me to keep on moving forward in my life journey in UTP, even if I have to bear my own weaknesses (especially in academics), but at the same time, utilizing my own freedom of creativity in opposing those weaknesses.

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My rally with that person had introduced me to another great person, aged about 50+, and held an important position in our government’s education system, also a principal of one of the most well-known boarding school in Malaysia. My relationship with that person had shaped my mode of thinking, hence, enhancing my creativity and logic thinking learnt from the UTP’s rector before. It was with that person, I learnt a lot about management, human behaviors, strategic thinking and philosophy.

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Some of his quotes which I still memorized in my mind are:

 

• “Small minds talk about people, big minds talk about events, wise minds talk about ideas.”

 

• “Orang yang hebat, mana ada cuti.”

(Great people never have holidays)

 

But the most remembered quote of his that I held up until now is:

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“Identify your role in giving opinions. Also, identify which role someone chooses when he /she are giving a statement. My opinions as a regular teacher are different. My points of views as a principal are definitely different. And my thoughts as a normal civilian are also different.”

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I hope that all the readers realized, it is that philosophy which I have been using in my very humble little blog. I have my own roles in sharing opinions in this blog. They were portrayed as:

 

• A UTP student.

• A Chemical Engineering graduate (ex-UTP).

• A friend.

• A normal person.

• A crazy person

• My own consciousness.

• A pious thinker.

• The middleman who connects the advice of the elders and the ideas of the youngsters.

• A pervert.

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The thing is, all of those roles are combined all together in this blog, and it is up to the readers in identifying which is which. It was intentionally jumbled up as to conceal the actual points and can only be seen by those who could penetrate the delusional curtains which hides the true meaning that was meant to be delivered. Yes, the concept of stealth, or in other word, camouflage.

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By observing and mingling around with these people, as time passes by, I became more mature. My mind was tuned to a bit higher level as to cope with their mode of thinking. I have learnt a lot. Analyzing most of the ideas, guidelines and advices from these people, I then realized that the true learning process in the university is not just the academic classes in the lecture halls or the laboratory. Living and surviving in the university itself IS the true learning process.

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Whether we have good CGPA or not, whether we are a first class, second class or even a third class degree, those were only a tiny portion from the whole learning process of living and surviving in the university. It’s not about how well we perform in our study either to end it early with high CGPA or has some extended years with the most minimum CGPA in pursuing that one little scroll of degree. It’s about what we utilize each every opportunity that we can grasp while living in there for improving our self that matters. And that what makes the life as a university student felt so meaningful and beautiful.

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From my observation through my experience in UTP, most students will just mingle around with people within their range of age. Only few people will fully utilize the chance of mingling around with the elders to gain their words of wisdom and learn the mistakes they had done before so that we would not repeat the same flow again (or at least make us always be prepared for it).

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Thus, their modes of thinking were stagnant just on the same level as other normal students at their age. Maybe that is the main reason why human beings always do the same mistake even if it was advised by the previous generations. It was the lack of willingness to listen to the elders. Or perhaps it was cowardice or the ego which made them to think that their own self are more modern and thus more reliable than the traditional seniors (elders).

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Maybe that is why most first class degree students have problems in the career world in achieving the company’s expectations. Why did this happen? It is because they all lived in their own ideal world in the university without even realized the ‘true learning processes’ in the university. Yes, majority of our students are blinded by the shadows of academic scores and CGPAs without even realizing that living, surviving and utilizing the precious time in improving own self in the university ARE the true learning processes.

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The truth is, only by socializing with various ages of people, then we can make our mind adjustable, and can be tuned to cope with the one we communicate when we are involved in the career world. And thus, easily accepted by the community.

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The most important thing is socializing with the right person. Some people may prefer to have a mentor, the one who will just give us guidelines to follow. Some people just prefer to have a coach, the one who will just giving hints while the solving process is up to our own creativity. It is all the same as long as we socialized with the people that can share knowledge and wisdom with us.

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Thinking it deeply, I realized that these information were very important and must be shared with all, thus I must make them accessible to all. But the problem is, not many youngsters will try to see these things in this direction. Most youngsters will just think of leisure and entertainment. Or just study (for nerds). If we go directly to the point, they will just ignore it, or even worse, they will stay away from us for eternity. Thus, INFILTRATION method must be enforced in delivering the message.

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In reality, majority elder people are willingly to share their knowledge and wisdom with the youngsters. But the problem is, youngsters nowadays do not like to listen to the elders. They only want to listen to their own friends. Thus, it is the responsibility of the youngster who has knowledge from the elders to deliver the message to their own friends within their league. In other words, they are the bridge or the middle man who connects the wisdom of the elders and the ideas of the youngsters.

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Thus, camouflage method requires the person who wants to deliver the message to blend in properly within the community so that it would not trigger a huge disturbance and thus made the message obsolete due to rejections by the immature minds. In other words, the way of approach too must be modified (or sometimes, we have to vandalize our mode of thinking to think like them) to suit the minds of the targets. For example, if the person loves movies, then we must use movies to lure them. If they love porn (refer the poll’s statistic in the side menu), then we must use porn to lure them. But at the same time, infiltrating the true messages beneath the bait.

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In my one and a half year of extension study in UTP, I have tried to use power to share the knowledge. I have tried to gain attention and influence by involving myself in an inner college forum called Grapevine. It was a success. However, the next phase was challenging – to grasp the president of the student council position. Since it requires academic accomplishments (which I really pathetic at), I then planned my registered subject to be in the minimal credit hour (10 credit hours only with the ‘graduation case’ reason) with the hope that the rules for the candidates can be excused as I had the upper hand - TIME.

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But since the date of the election was clashed with the date that I supposed to gain a higher level position in a well-known martial art, I have to cancel the plan even before registering as a candidate. Thus, it was gone just like that. I have many ideas in setting a different course of management if I gain that position. However, I could only share the ideas in Grapevine in the thread “Andainya Aku Seorang Presiden MPPUTP”.

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With unimplemented ideas, and undelivered messages of wisdom from the people who would like to see the knowledge shared, I then have to think other alternatives. Thus, the only thing left, the one I am good at, is writing. But writing in the forum will not make it preserved eternally since UTP at that era started to have network problems – the inter-village connection was then changed to intra-village connection. Thus only certain village which connects to the Grapevine server can access it.

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And thus, this blog existed as to be the legacy of any knowledge by the elders that had been kept in my own mind, to be shared with others (in its own creative ways of approach).

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As you can see, if you follow the flow of this blog from the beginning, there were many ways of approach which I have tried in delivering the core of its content. From the topic numbering, using other blog as an organized archive, jigsaw puzzling with the links, improved pictures, improved videos, creating polls and votes, to the style of language used in making each every entry has its own trademark, but in the same time, has its own core content. Some people may assume that the contents are demeaning. Yet, to those who knew, they will not judge the book by its cover. It was the message beneath the content that matters the most.

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However, I would not blame anyone for their misinterpretation of the blog. If the person had learnt a good lesson inside of the jumbled up contents, then good for him / her. If the person only sees negative things on the surface, it is up to him / her in choosing the right course of action.

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The reality is, we could not satisfy all people at once. Some may not very happy about it, while some are okay with it. The important thing is, we do what we felt right for us.

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Indeed, it is very hard to describe. The right or wrong of something depends on one’s perception and interest. What is right to certain people may be wrong to other people, and vice versa. Some may say BMW is the best, while some may say Mercedes is the best. Of course, there are other people will say sport bikes are the best rather than both of them. It is just like the story of a father, a child, and the donkey. Traveling from town to town, and within each every town they passed by, whatever they did were said to be wrong. Either the father rode the donkey, the child rode the donkey, both of them rode the donkey, or even both of them walked, if it did not match the perception and interest of the villagers, it was said to be wrong.

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If there were senior people out there who tumbled upon this modest diminutive blog, and care to share their experience, philosophy, and words of wisdom, or contributing some key points to be delivered to the youngsters, I really appreciate each every point and will try to synchronize it with the most suitable way of approach according to their interest.

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I voluntarily offer you my co-operation in handing down advices from generation to generation, to be the legacy for the future. Thus, you can e-mail your suggestions or topics that should be covered in this blog to:

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adiramli@gmail.com

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Your co-operation in giving advices, responds, feedbacks and suggestions are highly appreciated.

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Thank you.

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Yours truly,

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ADI RAMLI

www.pangsun.com

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Pukul 3.15 pagi.

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Suasana sunyi sepi. Apatah lagi pada malam Jumaat, tinggal di kawasan hutan pulak tu. Pastinya yang kedengaran adalah bunyi-bunyi makhluk halus (serangga) yang menyeramkan damai dan harmoni. Aman, tenteram, nyaman. Tatkala beginilah kepala otak mula menganalisis apa sahaja perkara yang bukan-bukan terlintas. Pastinya bermacam-macam perkara. Daripada bab isu semasa, hinggalah bab porno peribadi.

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Kadang-kadang kita rasa agak pelik dengan kesunyian yang sebegini. Satu kesunyian yang seharusnya mendamaikan, boleh pula menjadi satu perkara yang agak menakutkan untuk sesetengah orang. Memanglah jika lain orang, maka lainlah persepsi mereka pada tafsiran dan perasaan mereka pada keadaan kesunyian itu sendiri. Pun begitu, ada juga yang kecut telur berasa takut apabila menghadapi situasi yang sepatutnya memberikan rasa aman dan tenteram pada hati dan minda yang dahagakan ketenangan.

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Di mana boleh berlakunya anjakan titik perubahan tersebut? Pastinya pada minda kita sendiri. Sebagai contoh, aktiviti ‘Burung Hantu’ (solo drop) yang dilakukan ketika menyertai kem bina semangat. Pada mereka yang lemah semangat, pastinya merasakan bahawa itu merupakan satu pengalaman yang menyeramkan – dibiarkan keseorangan, terdedah kepada pelbagai bahaya di dalam hutan rimba yang entah ada makhluk apa di situ. Maka setiap bunyi yang kita dengar dalam situasi tersebut akan ditafsirkan oleh minda sebagai bunyi yang pelik, lalu diterjemahkan kepada satu perkara ‘mistik’ yang menyeramkan.

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Menarik.. Sangat menarik untuk diteliti berkenaan bagaimana kehebatan fokus (concentration) seseorang manusia itu dalam menterjemahkan sesuatu. Walhal jika dikaji asal-usul aktiviti Burung Hantu (solo drop) itu, asalnya adalah aktiviti normal anggota tentera yang sebenarnya bertujuan untuk mengasah kemahiran mendengar situasi pihak musuh – mungkin bunyi pihak musuh sedang menggali ‘bunker’, memasang perangkap, memasang khemah, berehat, menyelinap, dan sebagainya. Sayangnya, kita menyalahtafsirkan aktiviti tersebut sebagai satu aktiviti untuk membina keberanian.

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Objektifnya adalah untuk kemahiran MENDENGAR. Mengapa perlu dititikberatkan? Jawapannya mudah sahaja. Jika kemahiran mendengar pada keadaan yang sunyi seperti itu pun kita sudah banyak membuat spekulasi, andaian, dan salah tafsir, pastinya lebih banyak lagi cacat celanya jika diaplikasikan dalam proses komunikasi sesama manusia. Bayangkan, dalam keadaan minda boleh fokus sepenuhnya terhadap kemahiran mendengar pun kita banyak melakukan kesalahan dalam proses penilaian, bagaimana pula ingin kita gunakan dalam keadan normal dengan penumpuan yang berbelah bahagi (melihat, bereaksi, membalas bicara, gerak badan)?

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Ya, tuan-tuan dan gadis-gadis sunti sekalian. Mendengar itu bukanlah satu perkara yang mudah. Ini kerana pendengaran perlu selari dengan satu lagi perbuatan yang harus dilakukan, iaitu DIAM.

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“Satu-satunya perkara yang tersangat mudah untuk dilakukan, tetapi wanita manusia sangatlah sukar untuk melaksanakannya ialah DIAM.”

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Ini kerana, apabila kita berkata-kata, kita selalu lupa untuk mendengar apa yang kita katakan. Apabila kita berkata-kata, kita lebih cenderung untuk ‘meluahkan’ berbanding ‘berkongsi’. Apabila kita sepatutnya mendengar pula, kita lebih ingin bertindakbalas terhadap apa yang diperkatakan oleh orang lain berbanding mendengar dan menilai terlebih dahulu apa yang diperkatakan olehnya. Ini sememangnya naluri semulajadi manusia.

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“Communication style is concerned with how you say what you say. People do not respond to what is said (the actual words), rather they respond to how something is said (the style or manner in which the words are used).”
(Linda McCallister, di dalam bukunya “I Wish I’d Said That”)

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Atas sebab itulah corak penyampaian perlu sesuai dalam sesebuh komunikasi supaya pihak yang mendengar itu akan MELIHAT pada APA yang diperkatakan berbanding SIAPA yang berkata. Itulah “muslihat” penyampaian. Secara semulajadinya, manusia lebih cenderung untuk memberikan tumpuan hanya pada perkara-perkara yang berkaitan dengan minatnya, dan selari dengan persepsinya terhadap sesuatu isu. Apabila berlakunya situasi sedemikian, barulah seseorang itu akan memberikan tumpuan sepenuhnya untuk mendengar. Dan untuk memberikan tumpuan yang fokus, pastinya dia akan diam. Hanya dalam keadaan sebegitu, barulah dia dapat menilai isi kandung penyampaian, bukan pada sifat dan perwatakan si penyampai.

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Ya, tanpa kita sedari, penglihatan (penilaian) kita juga memainkan peranan dalam proses mendengar. Ini kerana, penglihatan dapat memberikan kita GAMBARAN yang lebih jelas berkenaan isi yang disampaikan dengan meneliti gaya penyampaiannya (selain intonasi). Hanya selepas melalui semua proses inilah baru kita bertindak balas dengan cara yang betul dalam memberikan respon terhadap apa yang kita dengar. Barulah setiap patah pekataan yang keluar dai mulut kita itu bertepatan dengan apa yang sepatutnya menjadi kesinambungan terhadap komunikasi tersebut, bukan pemutusnya.

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Sebagai contoh mudah, sebagaimana yang dapat kita lihat dalam filem-filem seram. Watak filem itu pertama sekali pastinya mendengar bunyi yang bukan-bukan terlebih dahulu. Maka watak tersebut pastinya akan memilih salah satu daripada tindakan susulan berikut:

1. Tidak langsung membeikan fokus pada pendengaran mahupun penglihatan, lalu responnya pastilah secara automatiknya menggunakan mulut; melatah.

2. Mendengar, tetapi terus memejamkan mata, tidak mahu melihat ataupun menilai punca bunyi tersebut kerana tafsiran berupa andaian telah pun dibuat – lalu terkumat-kamitlah mulut membaca ayat-ayat suci.

3. Menyiasat punca bunyi tersebut hinggalah diketahui asal-usulnya supaya dapat disahkan kebenarannya. Setelah melihat, barulah memberikan respon yang sepatutnya dengan menggunakan mulut – jika nampak hantu, baru menjerit, dan jika bukan, akan mengeluh lega..

Dengan kata lain, proses komunikasi adalah satu tindakan berantai yang dimulai oleh telinga, dinilai oleh mata dan kemudiannya diakhiri dengan respon mulut. Satu sistem yang sangat mudah untuk difahami, tetapi agak sukar untuk dilaksanakan kerana kecenderungan kita untuk menggunakan mulut itu lebih hebat berbanding telinga dan mata.

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Mungkin sebab itulah telinga dijadikan di sebelah sisi (supaya kita hendaklah mendengar daripada kedua-dua belah sisi [pihak] terlebih dahulu sebelum menilai sesuatu perkara), manakala mata di sebelah hadapan (supaya kita menoleh dan fokus kepada satu-satu sisi terlebih dahulu untuk mendapatkan gambaran jelas sebelum melihat sisi yang lain).

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Kesimpulannya, mungkin itulah hikmahnya kita dijadikan dengan dua telinga, dua mata dan satu mulut. Mungkin semua itu menunjukkan bahawa bercakap itu sememangnya lebih mudah daripada melihat dan mendengar. Mungkin juga sebenarnya maksud tersiratnya ialah kita hendaklah mendengar dan melihat dua kali terlebih dahulu sebelum berkata-kata. Entahlah. Semuanya terpulang pada persepsi masing-masing.

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Ya, memanglah ada banyak perkara lain yang boleh melambangkan respon yang terhasil daripada penilaian telinga dan mata – body language, hasil penulisan, irama gubahan lagu, corak permainan instrumen lagu, hasil seni lukisan dan pelbagai lagi. Pun begitu, saya lebih suka memilih ‘mulut’ sebagai respon utama kerana ia melambangkan terus luahan dalam bentuk ‘suara’ yang terkandung di dalam hati dalam bentuk asalnya – suara hati.

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Terlalu banyak yang perlu dikaji lagi berkenaan ‘suara’ ini. Dan terlalu banyak lagi yang saya sendiri masih belum ketahui berkenaannya. Terlalu banyak kupasan yang boleh diperjelaskan melalui istilah tersebut. Pun begitu, mungkin suatu hari nanti barulah saya berupaya untuk memperjelaskannya dalam bahasa saya sendiri, dan kefahaman saya sendiri. Maka apa yang boleh dilakukan sekarang hanyalah ‘mendengar’kan jawapannya daripada orang lain..

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Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of 97. Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing..

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss..

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch..

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

(Brother and sister together we’ll make it through. Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there. I know you’ve been hurting, and I know I’ve been waiting to be there for you. And I’ll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can. Everybody’s free.)

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go. But for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel..

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you’re 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy. But, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

(Brother and sister together we’ll make it through. Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there. I know you’ve been hurting, and I know I’ve been waiting to be there for you. And I’ll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can. Everybody’s free.)

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(Baz Luhrmann, Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen)

In my journey to pursuit power, now may be the most critical moment, the most hectic period, and the most challenging task. I’m too busy for the moment to type a long entry. However, what’s promised must be done. A promise made to my own self to write at least one entry – an entry with beneficial content to myself of course – every week There are several questions which were given to me by somebody several months ago. And I still couldn’t find the answer though. These are some of them:.

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1. Kenapa alat kelamin manusia adalah satu perkara yang menjadi RAHSIA peribadi? Bahkan diperkuatkan lagi hal itu dengan dikurniakan rasa MALU (bagi yang menyedari) jika dilihat orang. Sedangkan alat kelamin itu kecil.

2. A theory claim, resources are limited. Yet this statement has eventually leads man to the discovery of new paths and links of knowledge. Now I wonder, is it really true that resources are scarce or is it actually a driving force to lead man towards better understanding in the divine secret of Iqra’?

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Until now, I still didn’t REALIZE the answers. It’s not that I don’t get the answers. It’s just that some answers had already been given, but still I couldn’t notice them. That’s why I need to ask others.

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“When a wise man raises a good question to a good teacher, the knowledge revealed from the answer will be so great that it may lead to the unlocking of the sacred door of truth.”

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Then we definitely should try to define what ‘a good teacher’ really is. Perhaps she may be the one:

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MARIA OZAWA~!! Fuyoh~!!

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Or perhaps she is the one:

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ALISON ANGEL~!! Nyiaaa~!!

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They both are very ‘good teachers’ indeed. They’ll surely ’show’ us the right answers we seek by ‘revealing’ (unlocking) the ’sacred door of truth’ for us to comprehend the truth. Thus, would we penetrate enter "the door of truth", or just standing there watching it? (No hidden meaning. Just a normal laymen term.)

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Ho.. Ho.. Ho~..

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Ahh.. Right now we are in the month of June already, the middle of the year. There are many things happened in June whereby usually it involves fucking mating of a new human couple, in a legal method – marriage. Thereby, there will be lots of invitation and free meals. I however, have my own stand regarding this matter.

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Long ago, I may just an ordinary person who will just go to any invitation just to have free meals. I don’t really give a fuck shit about the marrying couple because my focus was just on food. As long as I can just eat the free meal, I’m okay with it – I don’t even care neglecting the person that I should meet (the pengantins) or the presents that I should give to them as a token of honoring their marriage.

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As time passes by, I’ve learnt something. Something that I was taught to do when I go to a kenduri kahwin – the proper attire. As marriage is a ceremony that honors the pengantins (for their ‘sacred’ fucking mating), thus the guests who came to the ceremony has to dress up a proper attire, to honor the ceremony as a symbol for honoring the pengantin’s family. And as marriage ceremony also relates to culture, it is best to wear a proper attire that could be related to the culture of the pengantins, ie: batik shirt, trouseres (not jeans), baju Melayu, etc. If cannot, at least wear casual smart clothes – collar T-shirt and trousers (no jeans).

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Wearing sloppy attire in attending the ceremony would be a symbol of ‘dishonoring’ them. Why? Because every guests invited to the ceremony were related to the pengantin (either directly to the pengantin, or his/her relatives) and it emphasizes the type of society that the family of the pengantin socialized with. If the sloppy person is the pengantin’s friends, then people will say, “Oh God, is the mempelai mingled with this type of person? Holy shit..!!”. If the person is his/her relative, people might interpret negatively about the whole family.

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Only then I knew why aged people wear so schematic smart attire in marriage ceremonies. It’s not about what other people think about us, it’s about what other people might think about the pengantin and his/her family. It’s about how we boost up their prestige and good name so that in return, they will do the same to us, honoring us as we honor them. The unwritten rules, unspoken co-operation, hidden terms and agreement, understandable by those who knew – the code of pride and honor.

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As I became more matured about pride and honor, more things had been taught to me. If before, I was taught about the things that mainly involved in the ceremony, I was then exposed about the things even BEFORE the ceremony – the invitation. There are lots of methods in inviting people to the marriage ceremony – by mail, e-mail, SMS, call directly through phone, mouth to mouth, even invitation cards sent by hand. Each every method of those represents the priority of one’s guest, their place of importance towards someone, also their level of trust and meaning towards the inviter.

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As for me, these are my stands about this invitation matter:

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1. The invitation card (or just verbal invitation) was sent directly to me by the pengantin him/herself by hand (or face to face conversation).

This one I must go. The probability for me to go to his/her ceremony is 99% whereby the 1% is the ‘shit happens’ catastrophic probability (accidents, breakdown vehicle, robbed, raped, funeral). If I am working, I will apply leave. If cannot obtain the leave, I MC. If cannot, that one I think kaw-kaw punya lah. By hook or by crook, must go because the person who send it shows a very great effort in inviting me. If the person has given 100% effort in inviting me, then I must return the favor by giving 100% effort in honoring him/her. It’s The Law of Equivalent Trade.

 

2. The invitation card was sent to me by hand by the pengantin’s relative / representative.

This one, 49% probability for me to go. 1% is the ‘shit happens’ probability, while the other 50% is the urge for not going. Thus, it will become 51% probability for not going (including the 1% ‘not interested’ shit in keeping the pride and honor code), which is higher than the 49%. But since the pengantin still remembers me, thus I must honor his ‘remembrance’. Thus, as the way I receive the invitation card, I will do the same way to honor his/her marriage – by just sending either my relative or my representative.

 

3. The invitation was called directly to me through phone by the pengantin him/herself.

This one, only 25% I feel like going. Yes, I know that we are now scattered to some designated locations that constrains us from meeting each other due to long distance. Thus, the only way to cut cost on invitation process (also to show ‘some’ effort and eagerness in inviting), is through phone. But since the invitation is cutting cost, thus the honoring also is cutting cost la. The Law of Equivalent Trade, remember? So I will just honor him/her by just wishing good luck through phone on that very invitation conversation (for me to cut cost and saving my credits from calling him/her back) and creating excuses for not going (even if I am capable on going there and have a lot of free time). If he/she can gives excuses (not enough time, not enough preparation, not enough money, long distance) for not giving effort in handling the card by hand, than I also can do the same lah in giving excuses for not attending the ceremony. Pulang paku buah keras beb.

 

4. The invitation was called directly to me through phone by the pengantin’s relative / representative.

This one, only 20% probabitlty to go. It’s the same concept like No 3. Only that my reply and wishes are through my representative’s phonecall (just like the invitation is through his/her representative). You’ve sent me a representative’s call, then I’ll return the same to you lah – representative’s call.

 

5. The invitation was sent to me via mail, email, or SMS.

This situation is 1% feel like going only. No real people send to me, then I shouldn’t also send real people lah. You send me postman, I send you postman also lah. You send me email or SMS, I would return the favor with the same method lah. If the email and SMS is from representative, then I also return it using representative lah. Just as simple as that.

 

6. It’s an order from my boss to go to the marriage ceremony either if I was invited, or just as his representative.

This one, I have no choice (99% going with 1% ‘shit happens’). Even if I don’t receive any invitation card, I still have to go. It’s better going there as a ‘job assignment’ and take a break with a nice free meal rather than keep busy working and have to pay for the lunch isn’t it? By the way, it’s my boss who pays the salary. We must always respect people who gives us money. Right?

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The code of pride and honor.. Maybe that is why you could see me only going for certain ceremonies, while the others weren’t. Even my ex’s marriage I only sent representatives since the one who invited me was her representative (her uncle). Again, The Law of Equivalent Trade..

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Adi : You!! You did this to me..? You tortured me!! Why??

Consciousness : You said you wanted to live without fear. I wish there’d been an easier way, but there wasn’t.

Adi : Oh, my God..

Consciousness : I know you may never forgive me but nor will you understand how hard it was for me to do what I did. Every day, I saw in myself everything you see in me now. Everyday I wanted to end it. But each time you refused to give in, I knew I couldn’t.

Adi : You’re sick!! You’re evil!!

Consciousness : You could have ended it. You could have given in, but you didn’t. Why..?

Adi : Leave me alone!! I hate you!!

Consciousness : THAT’S IT!! See..? At first, I thought it was hate too. Hate was all I knew. It built my world, imprisoned me, taught me how to eat, how to drink, how to breathe. I thought I’d die with all the hate in my veins. But then something happened. It happened to me just as it happened to you.

Adi : Shut up!! I don’t want to hear your lies!!

Consciousness : You said that artists use lies to tell the truth. Yes, I created a lie. But because you believed it, you found something true about yourself.

Adi : No..!

Consciousness : What was true in that incident is just as true as now. What you felt in there has nothing to do with me.

Adi : I CAN’T FEEL ANYTHING ANYMORE!!

Consciousness : Don’t run from it, Adi.. You’ve been running all your life.

Adi : I can’t.. Can’t breathe..

Consciousness : Listen to me, Adi.. This may be the most important moment of your life. Commit to it. She took your trust from you. She took your heart and loyalty from you. She puts you in agony and took everything she could take except your life. And you believed that was all there was, didn’t you? The only thing you had left was your life, but it wasn’t. Was it?

Adi : No.. Please..

Consciousness : You found something else.. In that misery, you found something that mattered more to you than life. Because when she threatened to hinder you, unless you gave what she wanted, you told her you’d rather die defending. You faced your death, Adi. You protect your pride. You were calm. You were still. Try to feel now what you felt then..

Adi : Oh, God.. I felt..

Consciousness : Yes..?

Adi : I’m dizzy.. I need air.. Please, I need to play DotA one round..

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(Modified script from the film V For Vendetta)

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Oh, God.. That’s why I love that movie. It really inspired me A LOT.

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Usually, it would be just a digital result – either 100% or 0%. However, since the type of person varies, that’s why each type of invitation has its own analog probability. The lower the probability for me to feel like going, means that the harder for a person (including the pengantin) to persuade me on going to the ceremony. If the probability is low, but you see my face in the ceremony, it means that the person is really somebody to me, and I must go even the likelihood on going is 1%. It’s a token of respect, pride and honor for the person who is valuable to me.

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All that depends on the value of a person to me. For someone like my relatives and family members, that one sure going lah (even if the probability is 1%). Because I would like to know more about my family tree. If it’s my neighbor’s ceremony, I also have to go because they will be the one to help cooking the nasi minyak in my ceremony in the future. And for those people categorized as ‘friends’, it would depend on the degree of closeness and the degree of it’s friendship “value” – sa-udara, sahabat, rakan-rakan, musuh, etc. If the person is very dear to me, that one will be considered lah. If the title is “ex” (ex-girlfriend, ex-friend, ex-boyfriend), it has no value to me no more – worthless and useless – thus it will have the lowest probability (0.01% feel like going, with 49.9% ‘shit happens’ probability – the relationship is already in deep shit indeed).

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Yes, my dear readers. I know some of you might think that these stands can be categorized as an egoistic act of excuse or a very strict and ruthless principle. While some of you might think the other way around. I know not many people will satisfy with it and most of you have your own stand. Well, that’s the point. People varies. Some people might put their value to the lowest price, so that it can be purchased by anyone. Some people might put their price in a moderate value, not too cheap and not too expensive. While some people might put their value of pride and honor very expensive so that only qualified people can purchase it. It’s just common sense. People have their own perspectives related to their experience, knowledge that they have learnt, and interest. Well, what I’ve write up there is mine. Yours, you decide it yourself lah.

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Talking about the month of June, my ex’s birthday is in June (how ironic for this coincident to occur, isn’t it?). Well, as I glance in the birthday reminder in Friendster, some of my friends (mostly ceweks~ Nyiaaa~!!) also have their birthday in June. You can’t see mine in there though. Because I count my age by the year I live in (I set it on 1^st January), not by my birthday date. Since my birthday is in June, in the future, I thought I would like to set my nikah day at my own birthday. Why? So that I would not forget my own wedding anniversary date.

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Yeah, I know, most wives always complained about their husband who was not that sensitive and romantic in some important dates. Hey, it’s natural for men you know? We (the heartless and insensitive type) really suck at remembering dates. Perhaps that is the best solution for me to remember some important matters that should not be forgotten – just compile everything in my own birthday. Also, maybe I would like to do the malam pertama at my wife’s birthday. Why? So that she will always remember me – the best present that she had received in all of her life (a fuckable present). Wakakakakakaka!! Thus, all that would save a lot of cost in buying presents. Wouldn’t it?

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Well, it depends on the situation. If my soon-to-be wife’s birthday is just several weeks before me, then her date will be the anniversary date, and my date will be the fucking mating date (my best birthday present is to fuck mate with someone’s wife for the first time – my wife of course – yeay~!!). And vice versa. But if the dates are too far apart (not within May, June and July), to hell with it la. That one will think later la. Mana tahan beb.. Dah sah application air kat JBA, kenalah bayar bil dia. Bil air pun kena bayar jugak. Tertunggak lama-lama karang, kena potong pulak. Nak “pangkah” mana boleh lama-lama sangat.

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“Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy..”

(Gary Busey)

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Enough about marriage. That thing was far beyond my reach (for now). I have bigger war to focus on. And right now, what I want to focus on is the concept of birthday. Not just the date.

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Ah, yes.. BIRTHDAY. The day of someone’s birth. A date that marks someone’s existence in this world whereby it is considered as a historical date for one’s life. A date that should be memorized indeed – that it was inserted in the identification card number. A day where the celebration of it marks either we are worthy and meaningful to other people’s life or not. It’s just common sense for the majority of earthbound humans – the more people remember our date, means that the more meaningful we are to them as if our existence in their life has changed them a lot. And to show that we care the one who celebrates his/her birthday, we would give them presents, a celebration with cakes and songs, or for a more cost saving present, just some verbal words wishing the happy birthday.

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As for me, a birthday is just mere numbers in the calendar that marks a particular position of the earth which circulate the sun and certain alignments of stars in the universe that indicate the historic time of arrival of one’s self in this life as an earthbound human being. But all those are not the one that I seek. They are not important to me and I don’t even bother even if there is not a single person in this whole world didn’t even know my birthday.

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Birth is directly related to life. And life is not a process of DISCOVERY, but a process of CREATION. Thus, birth is a process of creation. In a manner of speaking, yes, a birthday is a day where we were created and delivered in this realm, on a big ball of dirt which is called earth. In spite of the process of creation, it also relates to the process of penzahiran dari alam yang tidak nyata, ke alam nyata – realization. And with those creation and realization, comes hope. Hope from our parents, symbolized in our very own name (refer Entry 82). Well, that should simplify it.

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In reality, why not we use that concept in our own birthday? Seriously, we may not really ‘reborn’ each every year physically like a phoenix. Then why not we manipulate the concept of birth towards other aspects (mentally, attitude, thoughts, imagination, resolutions, etc)? Why don’t we shift our minds to think about birthday as that way instead of just a day for us to celebrate one’s self?

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“Ask not of why you are here, but ask yourself of who you want to be. Because life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation.”

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Hence, a birthday could be a reminder for all of us to remember that question and thus CREATE our own DESTINY. Yes, we might have been created in this world to carry our parent’s hopes. However, we do realize that the power to select any choices in our life is ours. It is within those choices that will shape our persona. And within those choices we unconsciously create our own destiny. Thus, this is where history and destiny collides (refer Entry 70 and Entry 67). Do we really choose one side of the coin? Or would we bide our time until the coin lands on its edge? It’s all depends on one’s preferable choice.

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I know, for some people, using a birthday as a ‘post mortem’ day or taking some time to ‘reflect’ ourselves is a bit weird since the majority uses it as a celebration of happiness and joy with food and presents. We
may feel happy and glad since there are people who would celebrate with
us for it. But will that be the ultimate tranquility for us? Are we
really happy with our own creation process but at the same time, didn’t
even try to realize the hopes that we are carrying on our shoulder, and
to make it worse, we don’t even know to create our own destiny (as birth is indeed a process of CREATION)?

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“They said that we don’t really live unless we have a lot of regret. And I have a lot of it.. However, we shouldn’t remember at what we have lost, but at what we have done.”

(From movie apa entah kat Astro dulu tu, yang pasal Blue Baby)

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I don’t know whether you have ever conceive the feeling of guilt and regret for some actions that you have done, whereby if we choose the right choice at that time, it would really change everything and the results will be far beyond better compared to now. Indeed we should not remember at what we have lost. However, did our decisions and actions at that time were relevant? Did we really choose the right course of action? That, I really don’t know. The rights or wrongs of certain issues are subjective, depends on one’s perspective and interest. What’s right to me may be wrong to others, and vice versa (refer Entry 76).

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Yes, we should think of what have we done in the previous years or our life. Were they worthy or just futile efforts? Were they long term or just short term? And the most important thing of all, how will the histories of our past affects our path towards our chosen destiny?

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“But does one truly ever have a choice? One can only match move by move the machinations of fate, and thus defy the tyrannous stars..!”

(Kain, from the game The Legacy of Kain: Defiance)

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Looks like the answer I seek lies in a video game. Even if we have the power to create our own destiny, we are still bounded to the pre-determine fate by Him. Thus, all we can do is just match move by move the machination of fate, and hope for the best in each of our choice.

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“Now at last.. The masks have fallen away. The strings of the puppets have become visible. And the hands of the prime mover, exposed. Most ironic of all, was the last gift that Raziel had given me. More powerful than the sword that now held his soul. More acute even than the vision his sacrifice had accorded me. But first, bitter taste of their terrible illusion – Hope.”

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Sometimes, there are gifts far better than the normal gifts. One that cannot be seen, cannot be heard nor cannot be touched. But can be felt (just as the saying "The universe that we see is actually small, but the thing that we feel is borderless"). Indeed there would be many ‘things’ which we could feel the ‘borderless’ of it. Perhaps one of them is the one we are focusing in this entry right now. Yes.. HOPE.

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(That’s why I like to send this cut scene as a birthday message to some of my chosen friends).